As a grief and bereavement counselor in Seattle, a common topic I discuss with clients is our physical responses to grief. Our bodies are constantly giving us information, and the more we slow down and listen, the more guidance we’ll have on how to work with our grief, rather than against it. Understanding and processing the information from our body, along with tapping into our intuition on what we most need at any given moment, can go a long way. Of course this takes practice, and enlisting some help from ceremony workers, herbalists, holistic practitioners, and grief workers is a wise move! We can help you discover how to soothe some of these physical ailments related to grief.
Normalizing Physical Responses to Grief
I always remind people I work with that the experience of grief is very individual. However, there are several common physical symptoms that grievers may experience, and it is helpful to talk about them! I hope that this post helps you feel less alone while navigating the physical experiences of grief.
Common Physical Symptoms of Loss
Let’s get into some of the most common physical symptoms of loss. Of course this is not an exhaustive list, but here are nine that I have experienced personally and hear about most often as a counselor:
- Fatigue: The emotional toll of grief is physically draining! I often tell my clients that grieving is like working an additional job. Individuals who are grieving often feel exhausted throughout the day, unable to complete household tasks or other obligations. Even small amounts of physical activity can feel impossible. If you also have trouble sleeping (See 6.) that will make it even more difficult to function day to day.
- Appetite and weight changes: Some grieving people may experience a loss of appetite and/or weight loss, while others may turn to certain foods for comfort and may experience weight gain. Both of these responses are really common, especially in the immediate days and weeks after a loss.
- Digestive issues: Linked to appetite changes, grief can affect the digestive system, leading to symptoms like nausea, indigestion, diarrhea, or constipation, or even IBS.
- Physical pain: Grief can be accompanied by physical pain, such as headaches, stomachaches, muscle aches, or chest tightness. These symptoms can often be stress-related and/or psychosomatic, as our bodies are processing the grief through these physical manifestations.
- Weakened immune system: The stress and emotional upheaval of grief can compromise the immune system, making people who are grieving more susceptible to illnesses and infections.
- Sleep changes or disturbances: Many people experience changes in their sleep patterns when grieving. Insomnia, vivid dreams, nightmares, and general restlessness at night are very common. Others may find themselves sleeping more than usual, as a way of dissociating, managing fatigue, or escaping the pain.
- Shortness of breath or tightness in the chest: When someone dies it can often feel like we got the wind knocked out of us! in Traditional Chinese Medicine, the Lungs are the organs that are associated with grief, so this all makes sense. The chest is also where the heart is located, so with heartache and grief can come feelings of heaviness in the chest or difficulty breathing.
- Increased sensitivity to sensory stimuli: Some individuals may become more sensitive to noise, light, or touch during the grieving period. Many people also have a heightened sensitivity to bullshit! Personally, my tolerance goes way down for anything that even remotely drains me, often causing me to spend more time in quiet spaces or alone. Everyday conversations can feel overwhelming or irritating.
- Trouble concentrating: Zoning out while cooking? Spacing out while driving or showering? Having to ask people to repeat themselves during conversations? Brain Fog? You may be (with reasonable cause) preoccupied with your grief or loss, and unable to focus on what is happening in front of you. If it is within the first few months of a death or loss, I often refer to that time as “a portal” where you are one foot in and one foot out of your own on-Earth reality, touching into the ultimate, and what really matters, so when asked to concentrate on something you may now find “trivial” it is much more difficult to do so.
What Do I Do About My Physical Symptoms?
Now that we’ve gone through this list, what can we do about it? Well first off, awareness is key. Often these experiences are happening simultaneously with a lot of life activity, and we don’t slow down enough to notice our bodies. So Yes, First, Slow Down… take more pauses during the day to check in with your physical sensations and ask yourself “what do I need right now”. Physically lay down whenever you are able to as a way to force your body to stop moving. And sure, this would be a great daily practice for all of us to do no matter the state of heart or mind, but this is about 1000x more important to do during times of acute grief. It can be easy to be swept into life activities and before you know it you have reached a level of exhaustion, or even developed an illness, that causes you to cease all activity. So we want to keep a pulse on how we are doing far before we get to that state.
After asking what you need, find a way to get those needs met! If that means canceling your next appointment, taking a day off, or simply drinking a glass of water, give your permission to do what needs to be done in the moment. Prioritize yourself and your wellbeing at this time. You are going through more than enough emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, and your body needs support to be able to hold all of these challenges.
** It’s important to note that while these physical symptoms are common in grief, they can also be indicative of other underlying medical conditions. If you’re experiencing severe or persistent physical symptoms, please consult with your healthcare professional.
~ Jess
P.S. Your referrals mean a lot to me. If you know someone looking for “grief counselors near me”, you can let them know that I work with clients nationally, and even internationally. Folks can schedule a consult with me here and we can see if we’re a good fit to work together.
