As a grief and bereavement counselor in Seattle, a common topic I discuss with clients is our physical responses to grief. Our bodies are constantly giving us information, and the more we slow down and listen, the more guidance we’ll have on how to work with our grief, rather than against it. Understanding and processing the information from our body, along with tapping into our intuition on what we most need at any given moment, can go along way. Of course this takes practice, and enlisting some help from herbalists, holistic practitioners, and grief workers is a wise move! We can help you discover how to sooth some of these physical ailments related to grief.
Normalizing Physical Responses to Grief
I always remind people I work with that the experience of grief is very individual, and that I am not a medical doctor nor a mental health therapist. While all this is true, there are several common physical symptoms that grievers may experience, and it is helpful to talk about them! I hope that this post helps you feel less alone while navigating the physical experiences of grief.
In the sequels to this blog post, I’ll talk about some ways to work with each of these symptoms to support our healing process, and also introduce some Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) theories on grief and loss and how we can use that information to support healing in our bodies.
Common Physical Symptoms of Loss
Let’s get into some of the most common physical symptoms of loss. Of course this is not an exhaustive list, but here are nine that I hear about most often as a grief counselor:
- Fatigue: The emotional toll of grief is physically draining! I often tell my clients that grieving is like working an additional job. Individuals who are grieving often feel exhausted throughout the day, unable to complete household tasks or other obligations. Even small amounts of physical activity can feel impossible. If you also have trouble sleeping (See 6.) that will make it even more difficult to function day to day.
- Appetite and weight changes: Some grieving people may experience a loss of appetite and/or weight loss, while others may turn to certain foods for comfort and may experience weight gain. Both of these responses are really common, especially in the immediate days and weeks after a loss.
- Digestive issues: Linked to appetite changes, grief can affect the digestive system, leading to symptoms like nausea, indigestion, diarrhea, or constipation, or even IBS.
- Physical pain: Grief can be accompanied by physical pain, such as headaches, stomachaches, muscle aches, or chest tightness. These symptoms can often be stress-related and/or psychosomatic, as our bodies are processing the grief through these physical manifestations.
- Weakened immune system: The stress and emotional upheaval of grief can compromise the immune system, making people who are grieving more susceptible to illnesses and infections.
- Sleep changes or disturbances: Many people experience changes in their sleep patterns when grieving. Insomnia, vivid dreams, nightmares, and general restlessness at night are very common. Others may find themselves sleeping more than usual, as a way of dissociating, managing fatigue, or escaping the pain.
- Shortness of breath or tightness in the chest: When someone dies it can often feel like we got the wind knocked out of us! Grief can bring about feelings of heaviness in the chest or difficulty breathing. (In Part 3 you can learn more about how our lungs are believed to store grief in TCM.)
- Increased sensitivity to sensory stimuli: Some individuals may become more sensitive to noise, light, or touch during the grieving period. I have also experienced more sensitivity to bullshit! My tolerance goes way down for anything “extra” causing me to spend more time in quiet spaces or alone. Everyday sensations or conversations can feel overwhelming or irritating.
- Trouble concentrating: Zoning out while cooking? Spacing out while driving or showering?Having to ask people to repeat themselves during conversations? You may be (with reasonable cause, of course) preoccupied with your grief or loss, and unable to focus on what is happening in front of you.
What Do I Do About My Physical Symptoms?
Now that we’ve gone through this list, what can we do about it? In Part 2 of this blog mini-series, I’ll share some helpful practices that have worked for me and some of my clients too. ** It’s important to note that while these physical symptoms are common in grief, they can also be indicative of other underlying medical conditions. If you’re experiencing severe or persistent physical symptoms, consult with your healthcare professional. Stay Tuned for Part 2 and Part 3!
~ Jess
P.S. Your referrals mean a lot to me. If you know someone looking for “grief counselors near me”, you can let them know that I work with clients nationally, and even internationally. Folks can schedule a consult with me here and we can see if we’re a good fit to work together.
