The Importance of Grief Counseling After the Loss of a Loved One
Many people wonder if they would benefit with grief-specific counseling after the loss of someone close. Perhaps you’re already working with a therapist but it seems like you are hitting a plateau with regards to grief. Or, maybe you’ve never been fond of the idea of working with a mental health professional and now, at your lowest time, you’re definitely not feeling comfortable with sharing this amount of vulnerability with a stranger. Wherever you are in your process, it’s okay. This is your journey and there is no right or wrong ways to grieve or seek support in your time of need. One question you can ask yourself is, “Do I feel like I have all the support I need right now?” If the answer is no, then a grief counselor may be helpful for you.
As a grief counselor in Seattle, working with clients all over North America, I am, of course, a biased person to be writing on this topic. I also have had my own journey with grief counseling that brought me to where I am today. When my father died in 2002, I was in college. I had never been to a counselor before and I wanted support but it felt so strange to try. No one in my family had been to counseling or therapy, at least not to my knowledge. I was born to a generation that was not accessing therapy as much as people do now.
Since my college offered free counseling for students, I signed up. I figured I could at least give it a try! I was assigned a random counselor, and short story shorter, I showed up for my appointment, cried for most of the hour as I shared what had happened, and then, I never went back. I can’t say I remember what my counselor looked like, or even what building we were in. I was in such a fragile state, and everything was blurry.
So, did it help? Well, I let out some emotions, but, at the time, the benefit didn’t seem to outweigh the discomfort of crying in front of a stranger, so I didn’t go back. Maybe it wasn’t the right counselor for me, because I remember not feeling that connected with them, but I didn’t know that sometimes it can take several tries to find the right fit. Regardless, eight years later, grief resurfaced and I began the process of finding a therapist. I started seeing my current therapist, who I still work with 14 years later. Somewhere along those 14 years, I began pursuing training to be a Buddhist Chaplain and grief counselor, and here I am today.
For many, working with a grief counselor is an important step on the healing journey. Grief is a universal human experience that follows the loss of a loved one. Whether it’s the death of a family member, a close friend, a beloved pet, or even the loss of a job or a relationship, grief is our natural response to significant loss. While grieving is a deeply personal process, it can be an overwhelming and complex journey, and for many, it’s crucial to seek support in the form of grief counseling. Grief counseling plays a vital role in helping individuals navigate the often tumultuous waters of mourning, navigating family dynamics, re-adjusting to life without the person, facilitating healing, and providing tools to move forward.
Ideally, grief counseling provides a safe and supportive environment for individuals to express their emotions and be in the sadness and despair in a society of positivity that often does not hold space for those kinds of emotions. When people experience a significant loss, they may encounter a wide range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, regret, and confusion. These feelings can be intense and can manifest in various ways, often leading to physical, emotional, and psychological distress. Grief counselors are trained to help individuals explore and process these emotions, allowing them to find healthy ways to cope. By providing a non-judgmental space for expression, working with a grief counselor can enable you to acknowledge and accept your feelings, which can foster a sense of relief and emotional release.
One of the key aspects of grief counseling is helping individuals understand the grieving process itself. Grief is not a linear journey with fixed stages, but rather a dynamic and individual experience. People often feel lost and unsure of what to expect during their grieving process. Grief counselors educate clients about the phases and stages of grief (Kübler-Ross) or the tasks of grieving (Worden). These may include shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Understanding these phases can provide a sense of structure and normalize the emotions people experience during their grief. This helps individuals realize that their feelings are not abnormal but rather a natural response to loss.
Grief counseling can also assist individuals in finding effective coping strategies or dealing with complicated, longer term grief. Grief can be all-consuming, affecting every aspect of a person’s life, from their physical health to their relationships and work. Grief counselors can teach clients practical techniques to manage their grief, such as relaxation and self-regulation exercises, journaling, and self-care practices for grief. They also offer guidance on how to communicate with friends and family, helping individuals express their needs and boundaries during the challenging time. These coping strategies are crucial for maintaining emotional well-being and preventing grief from leading to more severe issues, such as severe depression or anxiety.
For most clients I see, grief counseling promotes resilience and growth. Grief is a transformative experience, and with the right support, individuals can emerge from it stronger and with a deeper understanding of themselves and life itself. Grief counselors encourage their clients to find meaning and purpose in their loss, helping them maintain agency and dignity, while building a sense of resilience. We guide individuals in making adjustments to their lives, developing new perspectives, and finding ways to honor the memory of their loved ones. By doing so, grief counseling can support individuals in navigating their grief journey and continuing a path toward healing and growth.
Grief counseling can be a vital resource for individuals facing the loss of a loved one. It offers a safe space for emotional expression, educates individuals about the grieving process, provides effective coping strategies, addresses complicated grief, and encourages resilience and growth. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, as grief is a complex and individual experience. However, seeking the guidance of a trained grief counselor can make a significant difference in helping individuals navigate their grief journey and find a way to heal and move forward.
